The year's end has finally caught up on me, unawares. It still strikes to me as surreal how things tend to move at a blinding pace - Slowing down at the painful parts but speeding up at the enjoyable ones. I suppose I'm not the first to point out the obvious, but yes. It's funny how I'm still able to recall the year past in whole. From what happened from the beginning of 2011 all the way down to now, twelve months later.

Every. Single. Damn. Memory.

The life-changing events of the year were ones with great magnitude; full of extremes on both sides of the stick to a point where I've developed a bipolar attraction towards the two. At times, I would be manically happy and on others utterly devastated. I admit that this year was a mainly emotionally, mentally and physically taxing one. Though they were rays of happiness attempting to shine through the dark clouds - But still.

I only wished for many great things to happen. But cosmos never operates on the basis of allowing things to happen without any effort pushed into it, no? So I pushed, but perhaps the wrong ways. To a certain extend, I would have probably aggravated situations to a point of no return. Even if there were one, it would be time-consuming and needs more than a hand to clap to return the beat.

I loved. I lost. I cherish the times I loved - But the pain that followed the loss, it stings me still. And sometimes, even more so because of uncertainty. Because despite the signs and my intellect telling me where to go - I still need clear these muddled waters. The thorn in my heart is there still, I just need you to pull it out. It'll bleed, yes. But it'll heal. And I'll have the scars to remind me of my past.

And yes, I've let go of my past before but it never meant cutting it off entirely. It's what defined me. The year has been unkind and I wish only for the better to roll in the coming one. I talked to change in the beginning of this, yet as a person I have not changed beyond a few inches. I should stop talking, start doing.

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