Sunday, January 20, 2013

the dark sunday

It's a Sunday. A glorious resting Sunday, perhaps humanity's final fortress before they march into the despair of Monday. Though of course, my Sunday has been gloomy. Not for the fact that it's only literal; the grey skies circling the rooftops and thunder rolling about like a murmur of a Titan long buried. It's curiously funny how the weather can affect mood. And I like any other of my generation has been glued to the screen. Though in good faith, I've been doing my daily reading of various materials.

Oh yes, this is life during semester breaks. When I'm not up and about doing chores (which is to say every other hour), I am either flipping through the pages of my books or on the Internet, trying to amuse my brain that demands for intellectual stimulation. It sounds boring and tiring though for me, reading has always been an alert-relaxing act.

Oh. There you go. A downpour has started again for the second time today. Weather really loves dampening a mood. My room is as dark as entering an unlit wine cellar with only the laptop screen as a feeble beacon for guidance. I am but planted in front of it, ignoring the darkness, ignoring the rain and glancing every so often to my mobile phone - Hoping someone would reply me back. In many ways, this seems pretty pathetic.

Why I'm even bothering to write this entry is beyond my comprehension but maybe this too, is for stimulation. I could write about the past and fumble down a painful and embarrassing stairs of memories or I could just write about the present and focus on what's going around. As you can see, I've chosen the latter. I hear the locking of a door - Is that my grandmother leaving and walking down the stairs? Now why wasn't I invited? Then I remember that it was perhaps that my mother was still displeased with me.

Well, what do you know? I'm a bit more expressively-honest today. That's an improvement. I hope. I need a job. I need to get busy, make myself busy. Get out there and do something worthwhile with my own hands and experience. I'm not going to spend the next few months rotting away. I mean, learning new things on the Internet is fine - But it does nothing to distract me from the reality that I'm bleeding myself to death figuratively through vegetation. Anyone out there?

photo credits to Tadeusz Deregowski

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